Commitment is a big word for all of us in any kind of relationship. Everyone gets nervous with this word. Most of us are scared, intimidated, insecure, while others are turned off with it because of the responsibility that comes with it. Others think that it is all about controlling the other person. We have our own justifiable perception of it related on how we have trained ourselves to see things. I am sure you have your own definition of it.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion as we all say it. I thank you for allowing me to share to you what I think commitment is for me. It is something that gives you encouragement rather than guilt. It is something that will help you to have a wider acceptance and understanding of yourself and others rather than being narrow minded and judgmental. It should be respected and not to be abused.
Anybody can be nice on the first five minutes upon meeting a new person. The crucial moment to establish yourself to begin a connection with anyone if you intend to extend a communication or pursue a relationship with that person in all aspect, may it be in business or personal. Even a rapist, a murderer, a thief, a con-artist, or what have you can present themselves to be nice and respectful from the start. We can keep it going and let the other person thinks that we are a good person. Until after a little while our true self will be revealed.
A good person for me is someone who can remain to react with a kind manner even in times of difficult situations. It is the truest test of a person's character because that is the time our hearts are being tested in the most authentic way that no one can fake. I have not known an examination or a test that will promote you intellectually, physically or related to your promotion in job that is easy. We handle stressful and difficult situations differently. In fact I believe that if you project kindness that is also what you are going to get somehow. Do we encourage ourselves or do we blame ourselves and put so much guilt each time we get to that uncomfortable place of not being able to perform right.
To me commitment does not mean you should not make any mistake. Everything can turn out very different from how we expect them to be. How you accept, admit and react to your faults is what really matter it's how you get up and bounce back. We all know that guilt and shame will take us nowhere because of it's negative effects. Who is perfect anyway? How can we become secure and at the same time hope to build a reliable commitment from an insecure way?
That's why I think some people (including me) who are trying to lose weight and thinks that they are really committed to it are failing. Maybe their foundation is guilt and shame, which can swerve to abandonment. Not because its easy to bail out but because they don't feel good and valued in spite of their efforts. I think we are more likely to survive in the presence of encouragement, understanding and love.
When you are saving someone you love who is drowning, would you say to him/her "you have hit me in the face three times already while I am trying to scoop you out! you're on your own"....? You see if you are really committed in getting her/him out you will not even feel how many times that person had slap you in the face while he/she is flapping his arms for his life. The person is pressured, lost and frustrated. You will not put guilt and shame while you are in the process of getting him/ her out of it. This person who you are diligently and patiently saving in this illustration could also be you. You need to love yourself first so that the basis of your commitment is from encouragement and understanding and not condemnation.
Let me also relate this to Lenten season. If you are able to be that committed to others and to yourself, think how much more Jesus Christ is for you? He said "I will give you rest". He is not to put guilt and shame on you, He is our savior. We need to seek Him not only for this season but all year round, because everyone is fighting a hard battle, and the battle ground is in our hearts. Let us encourage each other.
Dark Knight R.F.
